gemified | June 21st, 2011 - 12:00 am

With a geek pedigree anyone cool enough to know better would envy, the hopes were high when Rachael Hip-Flores took her place in the Ultimate Mastermind Chair. If anyone was going to be able to best Susan’s score surely it was the person who with the slightest of gestures was able to wipe the floor with her opponents during the web-a-thon charades.

Even though her reputation was on the line, she went with the apparently popular approach of not studying and had every right to fear that it would be a massacre. However, I had no doubt the force was strong with this one; at least strong enough to scare of any ABM Fan opponents.

I cannot say I was too surprised at the lack of willing volunteers to go up against Rachael. Defeat can be sometimes difficult but an absolute thrashing by someone as big a geek as Rachael, no matter how scary the glare can be, is just damn embarrassing.

So with everyone, yet no one, to beat, in the fourth and final round of the Ultimate Mastermind Challenge, does ABM’s uber-geek still know her ABM?

1.        What were the first lines of the premiere episode?

Rachael: We went to Battery Park? I took her to Battery Park?
ABMFans: I’m asking the questions here.
Rachael: Something something something Battery Park.
ABMFans: Oh man you’re gonna make this hard for me.
Rachael: Something something something Dark Side. Something something something complete…Quarter of a point! Quarter of a point!
ABMFans: You don’t get extra points for being a geek.
Rachael: I will fight you.
ABMFans: I will beat you.
Rachael: That works on so many levels. I took her to Battery Park.
ABMFans: Any hope of what comes after the Battery Park something?
Rachael: She looked so beautiful. She didn’t understand.
ABMFans: Is that all I’m getting from you for question one?
Rachael: Yeah… *shamed* I recorded that voice over you know. Well, I said it anyway.
ABMFans: Yes, it was one of yours.

Correct. Quarter point (what can I say, she keeps me amused).

2.        How many episodes have Susan Miller and Tina Cesa Ward co-written?

Rachael: Oh for God’s sake! Um let’s see. Are we counting Season 3 yet?
ABMFans: No, because I don’t know those remember?
Rachael: Truth. Okay.
ABMFans: So you know it’s between one and twenty.
Rachael: So twenty eps. Minus at least 3 that I’m aware were just one or the other…let’s subtract another four just to make things interesting…maybe not four. Three. Six. 20-6 – let’s go with 14.


3.        Which class is Vivian trying to find when she first meets Archibald?

Rachael: I’m pretty sure I didn’t sign up for boys’ gym…
ABMFans: Wrong scene.
Rachael: Really???
ABMFans: Actually I’m lying.
ABMFans: Which class were you supposed to be going to? Books are involved…
Rachael: Honors English…? I don’t think it was Journalism – that’s just the class that we’re always in. Poetry? No. British Lit? Honors English.
ABMFans: Not British…
Rachael: American? American Lit.
ABMFans: I’m taking that as your final answer.
Rachael: Do.


4.        What state is Aster’s fake driver’s licence from?

Rachael: CT, because it’s Nicole’s.
ABMFans: Hmm…are you making that up or do you really believe that?
Rachael: Unless it’s NY. CT. No wait. It’s her NYU ID. Screw!
ABMFans: Done guessing?
Rachael: Now I’m contemplating. CT. It’s an educated guess. I knew I should have studied.
ABMFans: It’s not like I didn’t say this would be hard…
Rachael: I know. I just enjoy baptisms by fire.
ABMFans: Well I hope you’re enjoying the flames you’re currently going down in.


5.        What are the directions Vivian gives Archibald to get to The Public Theatre?

Rachael: Take the R to 8th St. One could also take the 6 to…Astor.
ABMFans: Stop using your NY knowledge and remember your lines.
Rachael: That last was just a comment. R to 8th. I remember because I didn’t really know till then, I always had to look it up.
ABMFans: Uh huh.

Correct. Half a point.

6.        Sophie lists five artists on her playlist. Name three of them:

Rachael: Sarah McLachlan. Gwen Stefani. I know Jessy wanted Tom Waits on it but I don’t think he made the cut.
ABMFans: Don’t think.
Rachael: Pink? I know that Aster and Viv love Pink.
ABMFans: But surprisingly she didn’t appear on any of your playlists. I guess Tina doesn’t love Pink. So I’m taking your first three answers as your final answer.
Rachael: Sarah, Gwen, yeah.
ABMFans: Hear me…I’m taking your first three answers as your final answer.
Rachael: 2/3 +1/4 you’re gonna be doing lots of math. I have nothing else for you.
ABMFans: Yeah you need to trust me more. Moving on.


7.        On what days does Elisabeth listen to Lauryn Hill’s ‘That Thing’?

Rachael: Days when she needs to feel special?
ABMFans: You’re asking as many questions as I am.
Rachael: I also want to point out that my grandmother is trying to have a conversation with me in Spanish. Days when she needs to feel special. Days when she needs to get out of her own head. This is positively abysmal. Did everyone else suck as much as I’m sucking? Are you grading on a curve? Days when she’s stressed.
ABMFans: No, your score is your score. Let’s say, you actors are doing appallingly.
Rachael: Well, at least I’m with my own kind.
ABMFans: Yes, and Nicole studied.
Rachael: Oh come on!
ABMFans: Not my fault SHE listened to me.


8.        What is the name of the teacher whose class Aster does a video essay for?

Rachael: It’s not Ms. Winters because that’s Westchester. I think it was a man. And I think he was Hispanic. Cortez? Mr. Cortez? Mr. Hernandez?
ABMFans: Wrong ethnicity.
Rachael: Really?? Italian?
ABMFans: Not in the slightest.
Rachael: Asian? Chinese?
ABMFans: Really not.
Rachael: Jewish? I got nothing. I thought it was a Latino dude. I could have sworn Hernandez.
ABMFans: You’re just talking for my entertainment now.


9.        Who are Vivian and Sophie playing in the run through of ‘The Seagull’ in the Season 2 finale?

Rachael: Nina and…Tregoin (or something similar. Chekov and names are grrr).
ABMFans: Don’t worry, only Chekov nerds like Nicole and Susan got the spelling right.


10.        If Vivian is the “fierce lesbian journalist,” what is Archibald?

Rachael: Black dude with super drawing powers.
ABMFans: Woo hoo!!! Not that I’m saying you got it right or anything.
Rachael: I’m dancing. You can’t tell now, but I’m dancing. Saying obscene and victorious things to an empty living room. Please please tell me this was only a ten question test.
ABMFans: Then I would be lying.


11.        At which intersection is Aster standing at when she calls Vivian at the start of episode 2 of Season 1?

Rachael: 125 and Park I think.
ABMFans: Unofficially, you’re not last.
Rachael: #winning.


12.        What poster is on the wall of Aunt Jodie’s office?

Rachael: The Smiths.
ABMFans: See, and I was worried before.


13.        Which engine company was Gabe with when he was a fire fighter?

Rachael: Yes.
ABMFans: That’s not the answer.
Rachael: Suck it Trebek.
ABMFans: You know you can get a t-shirt that says that.
Rachael: IT’S AMAZING!!! Um. 26th. Let’s go with 26th. One?
ABMFans: Are we going with 26 or 1?
Rachael: 26. One would be weird. It’s one isn’t it?
ABMFans: You’re weird.


14.        Which homeroom are Vivian, Elisabeth, and Sophie in?

ABMFans: Don’t say Ms Winters.
Rachael: I won’t because they’re not!
ABMFans: Thank you!
Rachael: I think it has a short ‘a’ sound in it. Landers? Lansings? Landings? Lanin sounds very familiar.
ABMFans: Would that be your answer?
Rachael: That would be my answer.


15.        In which episode does ABM’s intern, Meredith King, make a cameo appearance?

Rachael: That same one I think – To the Exits.
ABMFans: And if you’re not moving slowly to the exits you’re moving how?
Rachael: Quickly…? Quickly! To the Exits! Season 2 episode 2.


16.        What is the name of the taxi company Aunt Jodie uses in her role playing exercise with Gabe to help him in his job applications?

Rachael: Sunshine.
ABMFans: And we have moved onto double figures!
Rachael: SUCK IT TREBEK!!!


17.        How old was Vivian when Sophie was “a part of her confusion?”

Rachael: 12.


18.        What song does Rachael Hip-Flores sing in the ‘ABM: By Request’ video for the web-a-thon?

Rachael: Cuando Los Sapos Bailen Flamenco.
ABMFans: That’s about toads dancing right?
Rachael: That is absolutely all that song is about.
ABMFans: Why do I not believe you?
Rachael: Because I lie. But only because it’s you.
ABMFans: You wait.
Rachael: Bring it!
ABMFans: Oooh I guarantee it.
Rachael: It’s about a woman losing her lover. I got scared.
ABMFans: Wise move.


19.        How many episodes do not have the theme song playing over the end credits?

Rachael: Three.


20.     Alright, last-ish question. Pick a number from one to twenty.

Rachael: 9. Everyone picks 7. 17. No 9. I like 9.
ABMFans: I like 9 too, but you may not like 9 right now. What was the name of that episode?
Rachael: That was the retrospective/interview episode.
ABMFans: Yes it was.
Rachael: Conversations with the Cast of ABM? Really glad I didn’t pick 17.
ABMFans: Think what commentators say about horses once a race starts…
Rachael: Out of the Gates!
ABMFans: Genius.
Rachael: I get by with a little help from my friends.
ABMFans: That’s what friends are for.


With a score reaching double figures (with a little help) I think Rachael’s geek status still stands. Perhaps if I had gotten her to act a few charades out that may have helped boost her score, but we shall consider that for the next contest. A more than respectable showing I think, and I am sure Rachael will be happy having beat both Jessy Hodges and Nicole Pacent. I am also sure that she will be setting her sights higher next time and will prove a significant threat to both Tina Cesa Ward and Susan Miller. They would both be wrong to count ABM’s uber-geek out.

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